My friend sent me this article and I have a lot to say about it. There were some good points but there were also a lot of things that I didn't agree with. Here is the link to the original article http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/dating-someone-with-kids/971143/
1.They come first. Maybe not to you, but to him, they ALWAYS come first.
The title of the first topic even bothers me. Yes, Mason comes first but I hope and pray that if I am in a serious relationship that Mason would come first to my boyfriend/husband too. I want someone that will love Mason like their own. If Mason doesn't become a priority to them then it is not going to work out. In the article she says that "second place: This is where close members of his family reside. This is the place he reserves for family or as-good-as family." I totally disagree. I don't put a boyfriend in the same category as my family and friends. They have their own category.
2. Dinnertime is no longer dependent on indecisive you, there are other (louder and pickier) opinions on deck.
You don't really have this problem when you live in a small town like me. There aren't a lot of options on where to eat and also Mason would eat anything so its not a problem. But I will say that taking a toddler out to eat is not always the easiest thing. Especially when they are like Mason and can't sit still for more than 5 minutes. It can be a struggle.
3. The kids have a mother, and she’s out there somewhere. Get over it.
This is probably the hardest thing for someone dating a girl with a child. Her ex is always going to be in her life. Trust me....I don't like it anymore than you do! I wish I didn't have to see Garrett every other weekend and I wish I didn't have to communicate with him, but unfortunately I do. There has to be trust in a relationship like this but I think their should be trust in every relationship. Garrett and I broke up when I was 7 months pregnant. If we were going to get back together it would have been when Mason was born. So I can assure you that that is not going to happen and that that should't even be a worry in your mind.
4. His life is in a more serious place, so be prepared to move at a different pace.
"It’s not just about him; he’s got other (little) people to consider. Every decision is weighted a little more heavily and means a little more. Serious “talks” won’t happen when you’re two years in and ready; they’ll happen when they need to, right off the bat.
He’s going to want to know what you’re looking for in this, and you’re going to want to know where he sees you fitting in. Bite the bullet and have the talk. It’s going to feel awkward and ill-timed, but above all, it’s going to be honest.
This part can be unfamiliar to those of us who are better accustomed to the standard dating game, but you’ll also find it bizarrely refreshing. Honesty in an open forum, right off the bat – who’d have thunk it?
Like any relationship, there are pros and cons to this arrangement. Some days will go smoother than others, and you may find yourself toggling between elated and exasperated at the start. To love someone with kids is to open your heart up that much more to the possibility of an insta-family, and everything that comes with it.
If you’re willing, and he’s worth it, you may just find the whole thing to be a better fit than you ever could have imagined."
I agree with her whole opinion on this topic. There is going to be a serious talk way earlier than in a normal relationship. I have to know what you are looking for and your intentions. I can't just be hanging out with you for fun because then I would be wasting my time, and I don't have any time to waste. I have to know there are some sort of serious intentions before a guy can meet Mason. When a guy first meets me they are only seeing half of my life. There is a whole other half that they don't get to see unless I know they have serious intentions. It's hard to have a relationship without them seeing everything and what my life is really like.
Overall dating someone with a kid can be a lot different than what you are used to. It takes a real man to love someone's child like their own and take on a father figure role. But it can be a lot more rewarding because you get double the love. You get two hearts instead of just one.
1.They come first. Maybe not to you, but to him, they ALWAYS come first.
The title of the first topic even bothers me. Yes, Mason comes first but I hope and pray that if I am in a serious relationship that Mason would come first to my boyfriend/husband too. I want someone that will love Mason like their own. If Mason doesn't become a priority to them then it is not going to work out. In the article she says that "second place: This is where close members of his family reside. This is the place he reserves for family or as-good-as family." I totally disagree. I don't put a boyfriend in the same category as my family and friends. They have their own category.
2. Dinnertime is no longer dependent on indecisive you, there are other (louder and pickier) opinions on deck.
You don't really have this problem when you live in a small town like me. There aren't a lot of options on where to eat and also Mason would eat anything so its not a problem. But I will say that taking a toddler out to eat is not always the easiest thing. Especially when they are like Mason and can't sit still for more than 5 minutes. It can be a struggle.
3. The kids have a mother, and she’s out there somewhere. Get over it.
This is probably the hardest thing for someone dating a girl with a child. Her ex is always going to be in her life. Trust me....I don't like it anymore than you do! I wish I didn't have to see Garrett every other weekend and I wish I didn't have to communicate with him, but unfortunately I do. There has to be trust in a relationship like this but I think their should be trust in every relationship. Garrett and I broke up when I was 7 months pregnant. If we were going to get back together it would have been when Mason was born. So I can assure you that that is not going to happen and that that should't even be a worry in your mind.
4. His life is in a more serious place, so be prepared to move at a different pace.
"It’s not just about him; he’s got other (little) people to consider. Every decision is weighted a little more heavily and means a little more. Serious “talks” won’t happen when you’re two years in and ready; they’ll happen when they need to, right off the bat.
He’s going to want to know what you’re looking for in this, and you’re going to want to know where he sees you fitting in. Bite the bullet and have the talk. It’s going to feel awkward and ill-timed, but above all, it’s going to be honest.
This part can be unfamiliar to those of us who are better accustomed to the standard dating game, but you’ll also find it bizarrely refreshing. Honesty in an open forum, right off the bat – who’d have thunk it?
Like any relationship, there are pros and cons to this arrangement. Some days will go smoother than others, and you may find yourself toggling between elated and exasperated at the start. To love someone with kids is to open your heart up that much more to the possibility of an insta-family, and everything that comes with it.
If you’re willing, and he’s worth it, you may just find the whole thing to be a better fit than you ever could have imagined."
I agree with her whole opinion on this topic. There is going to be a serious talk way earlier than in a normal relationship. I have to know what you are looking for and your intentions. I can't just be hanging out with you for fun because then I would be wasting my time, and I don't have any time to waste. I have to know there are some sort of serious intentions before a guy can meet Mason. When a guy first meets me they are only seeing half of my life. There is a whole other half that they don't get to see unless I know they have serious intentions. It's hard to have a relationship without them seeing everything and what my life is really like.
Overall dating someone with a kid can be a lot different than what you are used to. It takes a real man to love someone's child like their own and take on a father figure role. But it can be a lot more rewarding because you get double the love. You get two hearts instead of just one.
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