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"I am Glad my Life isn't on Tape"

Teen Mom has been doing a special on the "original girls" where they go back and look at all over their footage over the years.  (Yes I am a fan of the show Teen Mom).  As I was watching a little bit of one of them, I thought, thank goodness my life was not taped.  It would have been nice to have all of those stages in Mason's life taped but there were so many painful times in the past few years that I don't want to remember or relive.  I have realized that I have honestly blocked so much of it out of my head because I don't want to remember it.  That is how I am living a happy life because I just block out the bad. I would be living in so much pain and resentment if I thought about all of it.

I am also glad that my life wasn't taped because I don't want everyone to see what I went through.  I would rather everyone think my life was easy.  I am the type of person that could be having the worst day but no one is going to know about it.  I am going to put a smile on my face and act like everything is fine.

I also don't want to have to look back on that naive girl I was.  I had no idea what I had gotten myself into and I had no idea I was going to go through it alone.  I was naive about my relationship with Mason's dad, but I almost was just to get myself through such a hard time.  He came to me and told me that there was a rumor going around about him sleeping with another girl from Ainsworth, and that it wasn't true.  I deep down knew it was true, but I just ignored it because I felt like I had to.  I felt like I had to do everything to try to keep us together for Mason.  What's worse than going to high school pregnant, is going to a high school where another girl slept with your baby daddy.  That is what you call embarrassing, but I shouldn't have been the one that was embarrassed.  I don't know how I had the courage but I still somehow went to school with my head held high every day.

I am such a different person today than I was three years ago.  But it is from those experiences that I have became the person I am today. I have grown so much and learned so much in such a short time.  I know in another three years I will say the same thing.  I will probably look back and say that I was still immature, which I am.  Yes, I am a mom but I am only 20 years old.  Yes, I have grown so much but I still have a 20 year olds brain.  That is why it is difficult to be a parent at a young age.

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